Patsy stumbled out of a bar right into the path of Father Mike.
"Drunk again!" concluded the priest. "What a pity! When are you going to stop drinking?"
"Father Mike," asked Patsy. "What causes arthritis?"
"I'll tell you the cause! Drinking beer and whiskey, gambling and hanging around with women that don't have morals.
How long have you had arthritis?", asked Father Mike.
"I don't have arthritis," slurred Patsy. "The Monsignor has it!"
________________________________________

Mick and Sean had been drinking partners for many years.
After having a couple of beers in a pub, Mick says to Sean,
"We've been buddies for years and if I should die before you, could you do me a favor?
Get a bottle of good whiskey and pour it over my grave, and let it soak into the soil I'm buried under."
Sean replied, "I would be glad to do that for you my oldest friend.
Would it be OK if I passed it through my bladder first?"
________________________________________

Jack was walking his dog across the fields. He picked up a large stick and tossed it, the dog ran quickly, retrieved it and brought the stick back. Jack turned around and then tossed it farther it in the opposite direction and his dog retrieved it and brought it back once again.

Jack then threw the stick as far as he could and the stick landed in a small lagoon. His dog went to the edge of the lagoon, walked across the water, picked up the stick in his mouth and returned the stick to Jack.

Jack was numb having watched his dog walk on water. Jack threw stick into the lagoon once more, and the dog walked across the water once again to return the stick. Jack decided to head into town to tell his story of his dog walking on water.

The very first person Jack ran into was the town drunk Patrick O'Moore. Jack brought Patrick down to the lake to show off his wonderful dog.

Jack threw the stick into the lagoon for Patrick to see and the dog went to the lagoon, walked across the water, retrieved the stick and brought it back to Jack. Once the town drunk saw the new trick, he turned to Jack and says,

"What a great trick Jack!
Now when are you going to learn your dog how to swim?"
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An Swiss man, a Englishman, and a Irishman walked into a pub.

Each man ordered a glass of beer. Three fly's in the bar noticed the fresh drinks and a fly landed in each one's beer.

The Swiss man didn't get angry, he just pushed his beer away and asked the bartender for a new one.

The Englishman plucked the fly out, shook his head, and drank the beer anyway.

The Irishman grabbed the fly, held it up in his one hand, and yelled
"Spit it out you thieve!"