Patsy stumbled out of a bar right into the path of Father Mike.
"Drunk again!" concluded the priest. "What a pity! When are you going to stop drinking?"
"Father Mike," asked Patsy. "What causes arthritis?"
"I'll tell you the cause! Drinking beer and whiskey, gambling and hanging around with women that don't have morals.
How long have you had arthritis?", asked Father Mike.
"I don't have arthritis," slurred Patsy. "The Monsignor has it!"
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Mick and Sean had been drinking partners for many years.
After having a couple of beers in a pub, Mick says to Sean,
"We've been buddies for years and if I should die before you, could you do me a favor?
Get a bottle of good whiskey and pour it over my grave, and let it soak into the soil I'm buried under."
Sean replied, "I would be glad to do that for you my oldest friend.
Would it be OK if I passed it through my bladder first?"
________________________________________

Jack was walking his dog across the fields. He picked up a large stick and tossed it, the dog ran quickly, retrieved it and brought the stick back. Jack turned around and then tossed it farther it in the opposite direction and his dog retrieved it and brought it back once again.

Jack then threw the stick as far as he could and the stick landed in a small lagoon. His dog went to the edge of the lagoon, walked across the water, picked up the stick in his mouth and returned the stick to Jack.

Jack was numb having watched his dog walk on water. Jack threw stick into the lagoon once more, and the dog walked across the water once again to return the stick. Jack decided to head into town to tell his story of his dog walking on water.

The very first person Jack ran into was the town drunk Patrick O'Moore. Jack brought Patrick down to the lake to show off his wonderful dog.

Jack threw the stick into the lagoon for Patrick to see and the dog went to the lagoon, walked across the water, retrieved the stick and brought it back to Jack. Once the town drunk saw the new trick, he turned to Jack and says,

"What a great trick Jack!
Now when are you going to learn your dog how to swim?"
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An Swiss man, a Englishman, and a Irishman walked into a pub.

Each man ordered a glass of beer. Three fly's in the bar noticed the fresh drinks and a fly landed in each one's beer.

The Swiss man didn't get angry, he just pushed his beer away and asked the bartender for a new one.

The Englishman plucked the fly out, shook his head, and drank the beer anyway.

The Irishman grabbed the fly, held it up in his one hand, and yelled
"Spit it out you thieve!"

A drunk guy walks into a bar and says to the barman - "Drinks are on me , set everyone up and get one for yourself too" The bartender pours everyone a round of drinks, and also one for himself, then says to the drunk guy "that will be $42"

The drunk guy says - "I don't have any money to pay you" So barman drags the drunk outside and ruffs him up something terrible.

The next night the same drunk guy walks up to the bar and tells the barman, "Get everyone a drink on me, and get one for yourself as well."

The barman thinks it over, and concludes that this guy can't be dumb enough to come in the bar two nights back to back without any money, so he pours everyone a fresh drink, pours one for himself, and tells the guy, "that will be $61."

The drunk says 'I have any money". The barman pulls the drunk guy outside and ruffs him up again.

The next night, the very same drunk comes into the bar and tells the barman to get a round for the house. The barman says, "What, you're not going to buy me one?"

The drunk responds, "Not this time, you get mean when you drink."